Roses on the Net
Human beings have been using the written word for thousands of years to express affection and love for each other. In poems, letters, scribbled notes, and even classified newspaper ads of the "desperately seeking Susan" variety, we find ways to say in writing what we are not able to say in person. In retrospect, we probably should have guessed from the beginning that the Internet would flourish as a medium of interpersonal attraction, and that people would find it a wonderful way to get to know each other and even fall in love. We were caught off guard by the early results, as researchers watched groups in laboratories get down to business on the tasks they were assigned, focusing on the immediate problem. Struggling with annoying and frustrating computer interfaces, some of them certainly started hurling insults and foul language at each other. With such meager tools for socioemotional expressiveness, it just didn't seem like a very welcoming place to support intimacy. To be sure, it has many characteristics that can trigger verbal aggression. But now we see that it also has the ingredients to foster very strong and affectionate relationships. Most of them do not unfold in the public Internet spaces, however, so perhaps it is not surprising that researchers were a little slow in catching on.
The relationships that form are vulnerable because of the way humans are, and the way the Internet is. People may disclose too much, too soon, and they may idealize and fantasize in unrealistic ways. The role-playing, deceptions and gender-swapping make the Internet a bit hazardous for developing relationships, and it is not at all uncommon for a person you are growing to like on the net - as a friend or romantic partner - to just vanish into thin air. Yet despite the down sides, I think the Internet's ability to support and nurture relationships between two people is one of its most valuable characteristics. Although some brawling may go on in the public forums, behind the scenes people are sharing stories, listening to each other, feeling closer, and sending ASCII roses.